been a while

its been a while since i wrote my last post, oh no wait, its been only 10 days , and it feels such a long time, becuase so many things happened in my life in these last ten days ……i have moved from one end of the world to another, moved from a carefree life in a nice, expensive apartment to a another world where i have to care about every thing , from my phone balance to my bank account …..during last 10 days i have met people who suddenly became so important in my life , and yet they disapeared so quickly ……in these last 10 days i have forgotton people who were important in my life……

in these last ten days i came so close to falling in love ………

Trust

What is trust ? can it be earned? how can it be established. Should you trust some one you have met only for 4 days ? should you beleive every word that person is saying , even though you know you do not have to believe? should you assume that this person is also trusting you , even though you know that person is careful in trusting others? if that is the case how do you make sure the person trusts? and what if you really want that person to trust you becuase you are being straight?

all these questions are fairly relevant to an ordinary person like me, who likes to follow his heart, a person who likes to think that if his heart says that the person should be trusted he will, he likes to jump in things where apparently he should not be , but his heart tells him that he has to , who likes to think that people will understand that he honestly cares that is why he is jumping in , even though he does not significantly matter to them.

I know this is not how things work in this world, I know you can not just follow your heart all the time, I know you should not be that naive but that how i am , and I think I like myself this way , I just hope I am not forced to change myself

They

why do they all look so nice, so sweet , so bold, so straight

we fall for them , in advertently, all

little we know, of dirt and filth

hidden behind the pretty eyes,

eyes so dark ,ladden with maskaras

so deep , so bright , so pretty

they all look the same and yet

we die to believe they are so different

death is all tht we can acheive

for they dun faltter,they never wither

Most eligble man?

so in africa if you are healthy (read Fat ) and wealthy you would be the most eligble man , according to one pretty african lady , this is consolling for me at a time when i havee become healthy(read fat) but more than that i have grwon a tummy , and not a single one of my acquentences pass by without commenting on my tummy , i am sick of it

seems like i would have to go to africa if i continue to be like this , which is not a bad option either i think

I am just sad and bored having nothing to do sitting in student lounge , and mourning my laptop as the IT people said it might not be worth fixing

i am sick of ACER, my advice never ever buy an acer laptop, spend some more and get anything else, not acer

beauty lies?

her eyes so bright

and cheeks so red

she seemd like a fairy

though dim as a glim

she had me for the evening

i thought i got

but lost in the wilder

tht heart had longed for

her eyes so bright

and cheeks so red

A reluctant dreamer?

Back in old days, sometime around or after crusades when Truish empire was knocking(no banging) on the gates of europe, some turk with an evil genius thought of an idea, an idea which still manifests its self in so many ways. Turks used to abduct or capture young christen boys, would be given in custody of army . Army would raise these boys to be ferociuous soldiers, in modern day words , “killing machines”. They were called Janisaries. the Janaisaries were best of the best, they knew nothing else but fight to kill. These young boy were used against their very own people (speaking in broader terms of religious connections). destroying the very palces they belonged to ….

I just finished a book last night called, the reluctant fundamentalist. and a couple of pages of tht book seemed so relevant to me , they hit me right inside, though the situation described was slightly different but one thing that author used as a foundation for his whole argument was related to janissaries.

this book is about a guy who graduates from princton , gets into top fincnail firms and has the best of life in NY , while his parents in Pakistan , and as 9/11 happens something dawns on him , things tht he never tried to understand earlier, he is not a religious zealot , he is infact a liberal who drinks and had had sex on numerous occasions , but he becomes aware of his connection as an ordinary citizen of a muslim devleoping country to larger world politics. that is where the author uses “janissaries” to explain his state of mind. he is working for the same america that has always been in some way or the other involved in the suffering of his homeland , and has been playing a role in emergence of an impending war(with india at that time) on the very place this charachter comes from , and he never realised he is working at a place which is at the heart of american imperliasm.

this has been bothering me since last night , as the situations which he mentioned are more relevant to today’s time, with american genrals and congressman threatening to inflict war on the same areas I come from , where my family lives, where my friends live, where my forefathers are buried

and yet i am dreaming to become a part of their(american) grandeur, a degree from columbia and a job at jewel of world economy

this book indeed has made me a reluctant dreamer

wrong post

my previous post was supposed to be about the uncertainity that is involved when we are shifting from one physical or psychological state to the other, that is why i started it with a quote from kahlil Gibran, however i wandered as usual in to my pointless, stupid rants.

What i wanted to write was that there is a strange kind of comfort in familirity , certainity . and that is captured by the quote really nicely. Even if some one is living in afghanistan and he/she has to move to move to a developed area they will feel something in their heart for their land, those streets, their home, the peole around them . just becuase you have suffered does not mean you will not find any comfort in the idea of a place.

 

Ok my writing just SUCK , and i totally wasted the quote and i could not express what i was feeling ……….#@$#@!$!@#$#@!$#@!$#@$#@!$!#@$#@$$%#@%$#$#%$%$#!@#!$#@%$

thats for my writing skills

shall i read???

“who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?” The prophet , Kahlil Gibran

I have been advised that I should start reading books, I know its already late and i have tried a couple of times but they tend to get boring very quickly , i dun have the patience to read the whole book so the very few times i have tried to read books, i took a short route after reading through first chapter , i normally skip all the chapters and go to the last one ( obviously i have tried to read stories and fiction mostly….I sound as if i have read at least 30 books may be you should divide it by 10)

so now i have started reading khalil gibran’s the prophet, stupid as it may sound i have a tendency to start new things which demand time , normally at crucuail junctures like the present one , i have to write two papers , give to presentations , complete my research for State bank and also prepare for exam of accounting (which i read some 4 years ago) and in the midst of all this i am planning to start a new hobby >> reading ….yes you know the outcome

there is no denial that i am bad with girls, I am bad when it comes to socialising in genral , BUT particularly when I have to socialise with girls, I am pathetic ……..more precisely I am pathetic when it comes to intiating the process of socialising , if some else makes an effort then I am ok ,

but what may be the reason behind all this ???/

its not that I am alergic to girls, or I am shy in front of them  infact once i start talking to some one i tend to be exxtremly frank( which again is another negative side of my personality)

I just know why can’t I talk the initiative , ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ok Yasir stop it , not again , people get different meaning from posts

emptiness

a complete emptiness, i am feeling as if there is a hallow inside inside my chest, with absolutely nothing in it , i have been feeling this emptiness for quiet sometimes now , and certain other feelings related to it in varying forms.

I know there is a reason for me to be in this world, but to find that reason i have to have somthing inside, but as of now i have lost even the little something tht comforted me all these years, not suddenly but slowly i have transformed into a person who is constantly on the run , in search of things which mean something in short run , but when i look at the larger picture all these things doesnot fit together

I have always been more nethusiastic about short term goals, like exams, addmissions , internships, study abroad etc but what next , i am not able to get a single hint of direction from inside which had been a major source of direction for me , but all this has changed over the years especially over the past two years,